・Healthy dose of face-to-face interactions is a must, especially everyone else is in a festive mood.
・Spending a disproportionately huge chunk of time with parents during such period makes you feel somewhat pathetic but worth cherishing, revealing the refined sense of how to engage in filial piety in the near future.
・All the while, I have been rendered more aware of how old they’ve become, and how little time left for me to be a sensible grown-up. I’ve been an uncle for 2 months btw ..
・Improvising 3,500 words in a day over 14 hours was not a good idea.
・Unintended byproduct of pulling an all-nighter in the genuine sense: staying awake more than 24 hours, for the first time in my life.
・In quality-wise, it was disastrous as highly anticipated, but the degree of devastation was even more accentuated when reviewed after submission (rather there was no minute for revision); mere repetitions of incoherent nonsense on a lengthy scale. It was like vomiting out whatever cropping up my mind and type them spontaneously.
・This was not a required assignment, rather voluntary one. Deducing from the fact, I might have been ingrained with a bit of Kiasu mindset in Singapore.
・Later getting notified that the assignment was 5000 – 10000 LETTERS, instead of words, was such an enlightenment
・Reminiscing upon 2011 and later extending the nostalgic sentiment all the way back to my childhood, as I was converting pictures into digital form and ditching many of them.
・I’ve been aware of this for a long time, but once again I got reminded that I have a strong disinclination to throw things away.
・And this disinclination seems to be in proportion to how much time and emotions I invested upon the stuff; e.g. However shabby and wornout it looks, I feel emotionally attached to the school bag that I had been using all along the high school.
——reader discretion advised, I seem to have got into emo mood——
・An analogy can be drawn from this rather obsessive reminiscent sentiment that I seem to adore
・Translating this sentiment into how I interact with other people
・Recognizing every encounter in life has its end, most of which are either imperceptible or just be forgotten, I somehow manage to nurture some of social encounters to the extent that I call them as friendship or the like.
・But at certain points in life, it becomes too difficult to handle all the connections I have to the same degree, and consequently it is inevitable to sacrifice some of them, and regardless of how much emotional connection I have developed, the eventual disconnection will invariably come anyway.
・Having drawn this analogy, this inevitability of prioritizing-one-over-other and eventual disconnection seem to have been the source of my reluctance in placing myself in genuinely engaged relationships (not necessarily confined to romantic ones), sensing that all the time and memories shared will turn into oblivion in someday.
・After having purged so many stuff from my room, I became more disinclined to put things in my room for fear that I would have to deal with more of my grossly sappy inner conflicts.
・If I apply this logic to how I interact with others, then I would be supposed to prefer getting myself secluded, rather than daring to place myself in human dynamics. And it would also mean that I should be picky in selecting people whom I interact.
・This is the exact opposite of what I have been conducting myself upon, and counterintuitive to the degree that I cannot embrace
・So, rather than attempting to capture human relations as some tangible manifestation, I will just let them transcend physical frameworks and continue to be an obscure notion to me, which calls for perpetual trial and errors, as they have always been.
・Getting confused by myself..
・My room hasn’t been organized, and I will probably continue to get my room messy, combating my inner emotional resistance each time the space gets too overloaded.
・but that’s fine and the same should be applied to human interplay, I think.
・After all, life is not about chasing or chased by efficiency
・In retrospect, I have also been benefited from what I had to lose each time I was forced to make a choice, whether I was aware or not at the point of decision.
・The recognition that I am constrained by innumerable factors is what makes me further appreciate what I already have at this moment, and that is also what gets me look forward to new encounters that are yet to come.
・Given the somewhat flippant attitude toward my life and future, I am likely to get a huge slap in my face, especially as my first career will be determined this year
・But as it has been always for me, whatever path I end up taking, I just suck it up and it will be fine anyhow
・Once again at this point, I hereby pause for once and embrace what I have found and lost
・However winding and inefficient, this is how I get myself moving forward, and probably it will continue to be.
・The end of self-contained contemplation
・Disclosing this soliloquy is merely intended for attention-seeking purposes, as you might have correctly guessed by now
・Finally I would like to express my sincere apology for those of you who have been spammed and annoyed by my upload binge today