性格からして
自分は多分、
いい人を演じないと
いい人にはなれない。
ただ、
いい人を演じるのは
なんだか気分がいいし
接する人々にとっても多分いいはず。
24時間365日いい人を演じるのはえらく疲れるし、
時たま、てか頻繁に顔を出す、ひねくれた自分の方がしっくりくる気がする。
だけど、それでも
そういう部分を押し殺しながら、いい人をこっから何十年か演じきってみたい。
どっかできっと、 舞台（安っぽい茶番なのは周知）の境目が無くなることを祈りつつ。
qawsedrftgyhujikolp
The last several weeks has been surreal and relentless.
Even though I am tempted to capture what I have felt so far, but simply I cannot afford to (time&impaired language ability-wise).
For future reference, the listed below is some bullet points of what happened aroud me in the last few weeks in a chronological order. It is deliberately confined to personal ones, otherwise there would be just too much to jot down for obvious reasons.
・My apartment seems to have got some cracks. No physical damage was sustained as far as people close to me are concerned.
・Epically flunked a quite manageable sociology mid-term, which I no longer care (I had been just too obsessed with aiming decent grade, but the topics are still interesting for me)
・Perfunctorily participated in some of my group projects (I know the recent turmoil doesn’t be an excuse for shirking my duties to contribute)
・Bombarded with excel & word files from my scholarship organization, accompanied by a bunch of additional tasks.
・New energy saving lights have been installed in my dorm room and the suspected leak of my credit card info ensued (+ potential loss of some of my valuables that I might not be aware of)
・Hasty planning of post-semester schedule and booking of return tickets back to Japan, due to the paranoia caused by the reason mentioned above. (soon after, I made the card void)
・Massive reading debts piled up all along this period
・My brother’s first confession to our family with regard to his ongoing romantic relationship.
・He is going (planning) to get married
・Allegedly, I might be an uncle soon
Too much to take, just give me some rest.
(This note is not meant for making fun of tragedies rambling around, and I am also disgusted by my overexaggerated self-victimizing habit. but there have been so many things happening that I had never expected)