December, 2013 | Play with Randomness

出国（帰国？）がここまで辛いとは思わなんだ。
そんな五七五では収まりきらない思いの丈を詠みます。…

ーーー
頂いた
元気と笑顔を
源に、
「まだ頑張れる。」
って思えたの。
だから、来てよね
カタールに。
来たら分かるさ。
これホント。

甲斐性無しの
オイラでも、
有給使って、
やってやる。

おもてなしの
倍返し。

ー字余りー

要はこのポスト
最後の2行を言いたいがために見切り発車しただけ。
駄作の上に、柄にもなく明るい詩を詠んでしまった。
カタール自体を目的地にする事はお勧めしませんが、トランジットで寄る際はぜひお知らせ下さい。最大限案内させていただきます。

帰国中は結婚イベント出席や、住所転出届を出したことで今更になって、将来の人生設計が不安になってきております。
また、様々な方々との再会を果たし、ほっこりしたものの、一時帰国は病みつきになりそうなので、当分自粛したいと思います。
Qatar National Dayのお祭り騒ぎの中で、伴侶(候補)がいない師走の寒さが身に染みている摂氏15度前後の社会人1年目の冬でした。

I am glad to have realized that people and sceneries in Tokyo have not changed much in the mere space of 9 months. As expected, I am also still as clueless and gullible as I used to be, and have enjoyed the privilege of extended juvenescence to the full extent.
The reminiscent sentiment was so intense that it would take me a while to get over it, nonetheless.

The visual chronicle of a blunt life of a greenhorn who was transported to the city of ostentation with inchoate infrastructures, and still …being clueless.

May 2013

[5月初診]
ドーハでの生活も早一ヶ月。
某ヨットスクールばりのブートキャンプ式療法を用い、愚生の持病であるアスペルガー、ADHD、中二病、その他諸々の治療を施して頂いております。
刺激が多い日々ですが、一ヶ月にして若干の疲労感は否めないので、闘病の合間を縫って平和な日常をビジュアルで綴っていきます。

On the surface, the city seems ostentatious, but a closer look reveals something further.

[Notes in June]
Having successfully, but not intentionally, failed to meet up with the expectations placed on me in terms of work performances, the workloads and mental pressure that had seemed ginormous in the last month, somehow seem manageable for now. The change has been so drastic that I am not sure whether I should celebrate or get disappointed.
Anyhow, the last 2 months has been long enough to transform the premonition I had: “I might not be able to flourish in the corporate world”, into a crystal-clear conviction. However, I wouldn’t let this realization hold me back, and at least I will try to minimize my helplessness so as not to affect work of others.
As for the private life, I have no life and I suppose this is how it should be for a clueless newbie who gets undeserved salary and fringe benefits, and contributes none: literally unblemished zero, to the increase of shareholder value of the company.

15 June 2013

[6月経過観察]
ADHDに関しては完治。寧ろ逆に振れて無気力具合が甚だしい。アスペルガーと中二病に関しては全く良好に向かう気配無し。後者は所与のものとして棺桶まで一緒に連れ添うものと帰結。前者に関してはそうも言ってられないので、闘病続行。ただ、ヘマこいて、ご教示を頂戴して、また同じヘマこいて（数回）、ガツン！！とご教示を頂いて、やっと学ぶ（＋暫くして同じヘマをこく）、サイクルを繰り返す以外の具体的は治療方針は無し。過去の教訓を類似事例に適用する（平たく言えば「学習」）能力の欠如が原因と分かりつつも、言うはいと易し。ここ2週間はヨットスクール上官の休暇取得によって、鬼の居ぬ間にサッカー観戦など諸々リラックスできたが、来週の上官帰国を前に身震いが止まらない週末。
僭越甚だしく綴りましたが、ほんとに大変な人から見たら屁でもないような境遇にあるとは思うので、ブツクサ文句言わず邁進できるタフネスを渇望する今日この頃でした。

It also rains in Doha, and the drainage is poor

Despite campaigning, there is practically & absolutely no speration of trash/garbage in Qatar. (電池も空瓶も生ゴミも一緒くたに捨てられる)

レッドの中身は日本人かと思いきや、まさかの外人さん登場。逃げ回るモブみんな日本人(オリジナル)だったのに。

Except for major sites, address is non-existent in Qatar, so the specifying location is a bit tricky here.

Japan vs Iraq (2014 FIFA World Cup Asian Qualifier @ Al Arabi SC Stadium, 11-Jun 2013)

[Notes in July]
Contrary to my preference of being secluded from any off-the-job socialization, I have been obliged to attend with frequent outings or team building sessions with colleagues. Given the choice, I would probably somewhat distance myself from mingling with coworkers during non-office hours, but it has been pretty pleasant to have been around with the folks　(of close age) from Japan. Self-imposed isolation seems to have been long enough for me to drop my pretense of being a social misfit. After all, I cherish being with people.
What I despise; however, when it comes to close interaction with people is that my flaws (too romanticized to call them as “foibles”) become plainly obvious and more accentuated in light of others.
This nagging disinclination of juxtaposing shabby myself next to the charms and graces of others, has been always around and prevented me from hopping onto social interplays that would have brought more serendipities otherwise.
All in all, this is the month I have come to recall the joy of getting in touch with people, and I dare to embrace all the troubles accompanying with it (at least for now).

28 July 2013

[7月経過観察]
人を避けがちなのは自分の欠点やしょーもなさが、人と接すれば接するほど際立って目立つから。それでも、歩み寄ってくれれば嬉しいもので、それを実感してほっこりした一か月。仕事はあいも変わらず慣れる気配がありません。